My Life, My Blog

I'm so scared always.
Everytime I open and see that I have a email.
I feel so stress opening up my hotmail and see who is it for.
Stress!
When will I not feel it this way?
Was reading through chat log just now.
So much memory came to my mind.
Well,
If I had known it earlier.
The kid which used to be.
The camera whole night session.
It was all memorable.
Always laughing over something stupid.
Every action brings about a praise.
Every minute is a sweet sweet time.
If I had known it earlier.
If I had stop being unreasonable.
If I had stop being demanding
If I had stop being a thinker.
Things will turn out way better.
If all this had happen,
I won't be here complaining.

I do not know what I'm thinking.
I am hoping it will turn out well.
Yet at the same time,
I feel more of the negative.
How can I surpress this feeling?

How I wish I had Selective Memory Loss.
Even better if I had Lacunar Amnesia.
Like that I can forget about everything that happened.
For Selective Memory Loss,
I can forget about all the pain and the happy moment.
All I can remember is that I have a friend like you.
Simple.
If I have Lacunar Amnesia,
Better still.
Totally loss of memory on you.
I can choose a particular person and eliminate totally from my mind.
I'm sorry but I chose you.
I hope that I can totally forget about it.
For at least,
neither will feel terrible.
You can forget about having to think about this matter too.
If I had either of which,
I will be happier now.
If I had either of which,
I won't be pondering what is the outcome.
If I had either..

How I wish lightning strike and a tree fall on me.
How I wish when using computer, the computer explode in front of me.
How I wish the bus hijack and I was the only hostage.
How I wish I roll down the stairs and knock everywhere.
How I wish I sit the farris wheel alone in the cabine and it drop from the highest point.
How I wish I sit the DHL hot air balloon and the string snap and fall from top.
How I wish the bamboo pole drop from 25 storey and hit my head.
How I wish I am drinking concentrated dissolve sleeping pill water.
How I wish my phone explode when I'm talking over the phone.
How I wish the car hit onto a pedestrain and the pedestrain is me.
How I wish the fan falls on my head.
How I wish fire drill and I did not manage to run out.
How I wish I was drown while bathing.
How I wish I sleep and never wakes up.
How I wish...