I am waiting for my hair to dry! Yes, I just finish bathing and it is sooo late! I have school tomorrow! Ahh! I am sooo sick and tired of school. I hate school soo much! I miss DSO~
Today morning, drew drew fetch me down to school. Yawn! Lesson starts at 10am for me and I reach school at 9am. I am soo early! Yawn! Well, did not meet up with npy for breakfast today! For some reason~ Haha! Then I slacked at one corner and then started being hardworking. I am drafting what events should I plan for this whole semester.
And yes! Obviously, it is for CCA points. I need 29 more points to Gold. It is soo far! Ok, I need 29 points. Yes yes yes! And I had fun during events too. At least, we had a little of bonding session. At least I made an effort to chat with the juniors! Haha~
Then at 10am, we went to class and attend WISP again! Seriously, it is fun! I love WISP lesson but sometimes, it becomes debatting lesson. LOL! Why did I say so?~ I mean, yes, all of us had our own perspective of thinking and we tend to think of other's fault. However, what chong say that is right is, did we think what we can do to actually solve it? Yes yes! We did not and we tend not to~ Think of the minority and majority. Ok, enough of World Issue.
After WISP, we went to underpass. I wanted to meet up with the girl who my sister bought a bag from. I need to take from her. Suddenly, she says that she will be late. So I postpone the meeting and we went to kap.
I was playing with the rubik cube. I am learning how to make it ok! Hahah~ As wan sin expected, I screwed up when playing halfway. Well, I always screw things up. Haha!~ I want to get a rubik cube to play~ Best if it is not sticker kind because, I might end up tearing the sticker out~ Hahaha!
After lunch, we went back to np. I have CSC lesson you see. I met up with the girl and took the bag. Then RUSH to class for CSC. As usual, CSC is sooo bored! I cannot take it! As usual, lesson starts at about 1.15pm and we end early. Well, lesson is soooo simple. Haha! Lesson ended at about 2pm, to be exact is 1.55pm.
I went to NTUC after which. I am soo bored so I decided to go shopping at NTUC. Have you ever seen someone so pathetic to shop in NTUC. LOL! I want to go out. Seriously, I want to go gai gai~ Someone ask me out can! I am feeling NO LIFE. For once, I feel NO LIFE man~
Ok, I went to NTUC. Then when queuing up to pay up, got this lady in front of me, she bought sooo many things. Then the machine spoil, the machine to move the items nearer to the cashier thingy. So her things had to be moved manually. Until a certain extend, she stop moving the things nearer to the cashier, the cashier need to stretch to take the items. So I lend a helping hand~
Then I went home. Yawn! When I reach home, I came online and nua~ That is the best thing I can do man! Then I did my CSC assignment. I had to email tan. Yawn! After awhile, I doze off and woke up again thanks to phone ringing.
Npy is ill. Well, I bet it must be because I keep making him angry. Haha! I always make him angry with me. So now, he fall ill already. It must be due to me again~ Ahhh! Ok, I am such a baddd girl! Ok, there is nothing I can do too because, I am not a DOCTOR nor a NURSE! LOL!
Lately, there had been quite a number of things going on between npy and I. I do not really know what is going on too. Well, we had been arguing most of the nights and yes, I personally had been crying a number of nights (with or without him knowning).
Yes, everyone knows that this is wrong! Super wrong. I also know that this is super wrong. However, for some reason I do not know why, sometimes (always) I just tend to think a lot. Maybe I am too sensitive or whatsoever. I do not really know either. I had been tolerating and tolerating. Everytime he says something, I will remember and do according. I am acting more like his pet. I do not understand why at all.
He is super busy, I know that and those who I confide knows tat. I always say that I accept the fact that he is busy. Actually, I am tolerating. Tolerating will lead to no where and I jolly well know that. I need to accept that. I mean if I don't accept, what can I do? It is a fact and it will remain as a fact. So yes, learning to accept.
That is one thing and the next thing is like, I realise I had been having problem communicating lately, I had been super touchy and sensitive lately. I do not know why. Everytime when we talk, we tend to lead to quarrel thanks to me thinking too much. And obviously, he do not really know that I am feeling awful inside because I also do not show. All these will show ONE DAY when I really cannot take it. This is when everything starts bombing out. And usually, it will lead to both sides being hurt.
Maybe it is due to past relationship, I have this very big problem with trust. Well, in a way, I am still quite drench. Though I have a shelter, I am standing halfway out of the shelter and half drench. Those who I confide in says that it is due to past relationship which cause this stupid barrier and yes, I need to do something about it. I cannot be living in insecurity every single day. It is not that he do not secure me but it seems like I am forever insecure and never satisfied. Trust, something so important and yet, I am having problem with it. Is it soo hard to actually make friends again with it?
I admit that I am girl who loves to watch drama and start thinking life like drama. And seriously, I will tend to wish my love life is like drama too~ Haha! Fairy tales do not happen in reality. And as usual, I tend to get very very sad and I will throw temper when things 'I planned' do not go accordingly. I mean like drama~ Guys running after girls, all the sweet romance start flying~ Sparks and chemistry. All those crap~
I realise, I stop asking anything from him. I have a small request like talking a little longer, I will not tell him actually and hide from him. I do not know why either. I find it stupid though. In the past whatever I am unhappy with, I will tell and say out, This time, I am keeping it all to myself and myself. Then I will start getting emotional and start sobbing in the night.
One other thing due to thinking so much is because I do not have self confidence. Well, I mean, some questions have obvious answer and yet, I always think likewise. I always think of the negative side and in turn, it makes me feel so miserable. I always think that I am disturbing him, I am a burden to him but don't dare to tell me, I don't mean a thing to him and all. Yes, I super do not have self confidence. And sadly, I need that!
All these cannot continue. If all these continue, I really do not know what is going to happen next. We had been talking so little lately. Well, we hardly message because he always give those super late reply. We did not MSN much because everytime, either I am doing work or he is doing work. Then call, every night when we talk on the phone, after about 5 minutes or less, he will bug me to sleep. Ok, partially is because he is tired. He do not want me to sleep late too. So yes, he will bug me to sleep.
Well, see, less communication and I think he is too busy to actually entertain me too. Well, I think we only meet like twice a week - Wednesday morning and one day to go out. Yes, I know that is a lot already, compared to other people. Well, everytime we go out, we seldom spend long time together either. Usually we will meet at about 12.30pm and then for some reason, he will need to go home early and means, I will reach home at 5++ 6pm. I know it is VERY long already. I am not asking much either.
I just wish somethings can change and be better. I just wish things can turn out better. I need things to turn out better also. So yes, first step, gain some self confidence! =)
