My Life, My Blog

It is something really simple, why must it turn out so complicated? I wanted it to turn out well and fine! Why am I so stuck between? Why am I so stress up? Why do I have to make all the hard decision? Why must I feel so bad and guilty on both sides?

It is just something very simple. Why must that person force me to choose? Does that person know that I am feeling stress too? Does that person know that I am trying my best to make things better and make it turn out good? Does that person know that whatever I do is to make things better? Does that person know? Does that person know that I am living in fear and nervousness everyday? Every time I forget something, I feel so stress and troubled!

Why must that person do that? Why must that person keep making things difficult for me? Why must that person keep try to make me feel so difficult? Why must that person do so? Why must that person use other people to make me feel extreme sad and difficult in position? I thought every thing was ok already, why must that person make me feel difficult once again? Why must that person do that?

I am feeling tough and difficult! I feel so tired and stress! I feel like another idiot! Is that the result of keeping it to myself? I tried to be open to others! I want to! But I cannot! It is not I do not want but I cannot! There are many psychological barriers to go through before opening up to others! I am scared! I am worried! I do not know what to do!!

I find it so hard to face others! I find it so difficult! I had to show side A of me and next moment, side B of me. Why must things turn out this way? Maybe what my friend said was right. I should open it up. However, I am scared and worried. I do not know what to do at all.

I already tried my best to make things good on both sides. However, I am making it worst. I am making things turn out the opposite way. I though everything from side A was over. I though it was ok already. I though it will not bother either of us anymore. Neither did I know, it turns out the way I did not want. It turns out that it was getting worst and far from what I expected.

As for side B, I though spending more time to settle it was enough. I though being transparent was ok. I know I am forgetful. However, sometimes as a human being, who do not forget things? I know I was not sensitive enough. Forgetting to tell is my fault? I though I already tried my best to salvage things. However, trying hard was not enough. There are many more things.

Seriously, give me a break from all problems please! I had enough!! I want to cry!

Breakdown!