Yesterday, I had a long talk with my beloved cousin, Kah Wai. So these are what she said about it. Direct extract from her blog. http://www.dignity-xwithlove.blogspot.com/
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lols. dun people always say girls think a lot? :) talking to someone close to me on the phone. she's telling me about her love relationship experience. After knowing her for so long, she did not tell me abt the guys who had cheated on her. yes. she's my cousin :)
can u believe, she was with a guy for 2 years, and he was also in a relationship with 7 other girls? Then she was with another guy, and realize that he loved someone else more than her?
she came up with a concept of falling into a well.
relationship 1:
she looked in the well, and the well was functioning properly. She thought it was safe to fall into it. But when she fall, thinking that it was safe, thinking there would be slopes to support her, there was nth. nth was there for her. therefore, she ended up hurting herself.
relationship 2:
She looked knew there was smth wrong with the well. so she did not step inside. but after further checking, she realized the well did not have any support at all.
relationship 3:
She looked into the well, and the well was functioning properly. She knew it would be save to fall. So she did. When she fell, there were others living in the well too. They were pushing her up the well.. and so she got away from the well, eventually.
After listening to her stories. She is not the only one who feels scared abt new wells. I mean, life is so scary. Humans can do anything they desire. They can be like angels to you, the next minute, behind ur back, they could stab u like Hades of the Underworld.
So i looked back on my past serious relationships..
relationship a:
i looked into the well, and i knew it was safe. i fell in it, and there were slopes to support me. however, theres was smth about the water in it i did not like. So i climbed back up.
relationship b:
I looked into the well, i knew it would be a dangerous fall. But i still fell in it. There were thorns and stones along the way that gave me scars. when i touched the water, i was not the only one in the well too. There was other people, pushing me up the well. And then i realize, not only are they pushing me up, there was no bucket for me to support my fall. So i just climb back up :)
Although, i have not experience a major cheating experience as what the person close to me have experience, her stories scares me. you never know what the next relationship is like, and there is no assurance. You can never know if the guy would love you wholeheartedly, or if in his heart, there is someone else better. Something that no actions and words can prove.
Every girl wants to be a guy's only love. and of course. the best. if she's not the best, she might as well forget about it. Its because of all these factors, my cousin and i suddenly freaked out over the phone just now. Is it safe to get in a relationship now? or.. be single so no one can hurt you?
I'm so afraid i cannot cope with relationships after i had the phone call with her. I had a really long thinking. Am i able to fall into a well that will support me? Suddenly i had all these questions in my mind. Or maybe, i really don't have the confidence to be someone's other half. I mean, like what normal girls like me and my cousins, we dun want to be 2nd best.
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After reading it, I am unsure why I felt so like crying and yes, I had to bear with it because I am at my work place. I felt such sadness in my heart. I did not know that my love life had such impact on her too.
Seriously, I am scared. I am scared of getting into relationships. I am scared that I will get cheated again regardless in what way. Now that as I walk, whenever I see a well which attract me, I'd just stand by the well and look. I do not dare to step into the well.
I am scared. And because I am scared, I had did something which is out of my mind. So what I know the truth? So what I get to dig out the past? So what that it is a different script now and the past? I am scared that my side of script is the same, CHEATING.
Jeremy said before, it is scary to realise that someone does not have bad points when together. The reason are simple.
(a) The person is really like that when he/she is with you. He/She is actually showing the right side of themselves and thus, their partner find them perfect.
(b) The person is hiding something from you and thus, as time goes pass, he/she gets what they wanted, they will show their bad points. Then, they are not being truthful.
I am scared about these. I had been picking up the wrong well to enter always. Well, never judge a book by its cover, never judge a well by its look. It may seem save to enter, the water may seem safe to consume, however, you will never know what it is like until you really enter it.
If there are not only one person in the well, why not just get out of it? If there are already someone in the well, why not close the opening so others will not fall into it? I don't wish to fall into one, and then realise that there are more than me alone.
Looks can be deceiving, Hearts can be deceiving too. Now that I had trepidation over relationship, I am scared. I am scared that I cannot cope in relationship. I am scared that I will become very sensitive, I am scared that I will yi shen yi gui. I am really scared.
Like what my cousin said, I, or should I say we, am just an ordinary girl who wish to be loved and supported. I wish to be other people's one and only too. I wish to be their best too. I don't wish to be placed second. I don't wish to fall into it and thus, I get all hurt!
meant for u;
understand pls;