Privacy

If blogger allows, I think there will be hundreds of password protected/private/what-ever-you-call post.
Sadly, blogger doesn’t have such function. Many things, many many things, I can’t and don’t wish to say. I need a place to pour. But I can’t seem to have one. How ironic. I guess I need to find a new spot.
I am on a swing now. And the swing is going down, down, down and not up. When will my swing start bringing me up again? Just a simple push, I can go up high. However, without any pushing, it will start dropping down naturally, and that is called gravitational pull. I need a push. And no one seems to be pushing.
Just now, I was talking to someone. She is facing some relationship problem. She was telling me that she had a tiff with her boyfriend. And the most typical thing happened. Her boyfriend just kept quiet, she got angry and walk away (also to test his reaction). So, her boyfriend just let her walk away. And she, ended up being even more upset.
Why are guys like that? Sometimes, the girls just wish they, guys, will come after us, pulling us back, holding on to us tight even though we are trying to struggle off, gently tell us “it’s ok”. Why can’t they do that? Why is it that they will always let girls off? Why they always give the stupid “cool down” excuse? Why is it that when we tell them straight off the face what we wanted, they are still repeating the same thing? “I thought it is better to give you time to cool down”, it is an excuse, not a reason to let us go.
Why are girls like that? Sometimes, the guys panicked, not knowing what to do. They don’t dare to pull us back because swinging their hands off is like rejecting them. They are scared to message us because they are scared that we are still angry, and it will cause more upset-ness if they say something wrong. Though they know what we want, at such timing, their minds are either panic because we are angry or mad because of the quarrel content, and they can hardly remember what we wanted.
Why are girls and guys created such ways? Why can’t the guys be more sensitive? Why can’t the girls have lesser expectation? Why can’t the guys be more daring? Why can’t the girls be more understanding? Why can’t the guys put down their pride and apologise first? Why can’t the girls take initiative to stop the quarrel? Why? Why don’t they sync?
I am not sure about the guys. However, I know, the girls will get damn upset when the guys just let her go like this. They don’t bother to pull her back, they don’t bother to do anything. All they did is let us have a cool down period. Sometimes I wonder, is that all they can give during quarrels? Some things just hurt badly.
The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most.
I also can’t understand why guys just keep asking “what happened?” when they know what is wrong. Are they dumb or are they insensitive? So after asking “what happened?” what can they do? They will start trying to explain the situation. Sometimes, girls don’t need explanation. They need action. Ok, everyone needs action. So what we can talk so much when nothing is done? So isn’t is just plain talking? Who needs plain talking?
I was talking to another friend of mine. She was telling me that she is feeling damn troubled and upset. That day, her boyfriend did something which disappointed her a lot. With that disappointment, she was feeling rather moody and upset with him. For days, he kept prompting what happened. And the conversation always ended up with him being impatient and irritated. (imagine asking someone what happened and she just kept saying nothing).
During that period, every time she sees him, she tries her best to be happy, she tries her best to act normal. However, it is hard isn’t it? Finally, after about a week, she can’t take it, she told him what happened. She thought that things will turn out better. I thought so too. She was happy that the relationship is going back to the better stage again. I was happy for her too.
In the end, she told me that things goes back to square one the following day. Oh well, things never changes. And it did not happened once, it happened again and again, again and again. So she is all upset and disappointed with him again. She lost all her mood again. She is trying again. She is putting up a fake mask again. He is prompting what happened again and typically, she is saying nothing, nothing and more nothing.
She told me that she was reading other people’s blog, every little thing, every little details. She wish that she had a little of what other couples had. She never really had such feeling before. This time, she is envious, she is upset, she is wishing, she is disappointed, she is waiting, she is giving up, her feelings is mixed. She is not sure if she is still wish and waiting or she is disappointed and giving up.
That next morning she told him about her disappointment, he came online. She saw something, she thought he put it specially for her. In the end, it is not, it is something which is technical error. How disappointing. She accepted it, there is a reason to it. So, even if she don’t what to accept it, she has to.
That little thing about sharing, she was so happy that things are going better. She forgotten about the disappointment, she forgotten about the moody-ness. But the next day, that disappointment that is brought. It is going to last quite some time again like the previous one.
Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a long time.
Relationship is such a torture. It can make one damn happy or damn sad. It is so irritating.Oh well, I have chose to not take the shelter anyways.