I am too lazy to update my blog everyday. By the time I come home, it is already late and I am so tired. After long day of school, I have to come home and do tutorials everyday. How sad is that? I hate university life. Or should I say, I hate singapore university life. I don’t understand why is singapore universities so stressful. And I don’t understand why is there so many ahem! Those ahem are one of my stress factor.
I feel super upset this weekend. I don’t know why. Maybe due to two particular reasons – my ah ma is ill and the departure of wai.
1) My ah ma is ill
My ah ma is in the ICU. My grandma has been hospitalise for weeks and I only visited her twice. She had been in the ICU for 2 weeks plus already. Her condition isn’t getting any better. It started off with high fever that doesn’t subside. And then I don’t know what happen, I was told her white blood cells shoot up.Then, the white blood cells count drop to normal rate. We thought everything is ok already. Then she had pneumonia. The doctors have to suck out the phlegm everyday, many times a day. Starting, she breathe in pure oxygen from the tank. Then her condition got better, so the doctor cut the amount to half. For some reason, she got worst and they gave her a strong antibiotics to fight the bacteria.
The next thing I know was that she got mild stroke because she had brain surgery 4 years ago. Ah ma has to rely on the tube to breathe now. One of her lungs collapse already. So there is a tube which is connected through her mouth to her lungs. Another problem arise, inflammation occur at her throat area. There is something like ulcer there.
They connected tube through her mouth and it result in seeing blood in saliva that leaks out. The wounds aren’t healing fast because of her diabetics. The doctors gave her an even stronger antibiotics yesterday. However, it seems like there isn’t any improvement. She can’t open her eyes at all. We tried calling her but she either shrug her shoulder, jerk her hands or totally no reaction. Everything seems so disheartening.
Before the stupid fever which cause her to be hospitalise and check for h1n1, ah ma is super healthy. She will go for taiji in the morning. Occasionally, she will go downstairs and play with the other aunts. Then she got fever and was sent to ttsh to check for h1n1. The next thing I know was, she is in ICU and the doctor says that she is in a critical condition.
During my previous visit, I was with my aunts and parents. I tried talking to her, asking her to open her eyes or give some reaction if she knows that we are there. She has no reaction at all. She just lie there sleeping. I saw the tubes that is connected to her. It is super painful. The tubes that are connected to her mouth and nose.
Every single day, the nurses will come and take her blood test. Her fingers are all needle wounds. She is puffy due to the water being pump in via tubes. I don’t understand why she have to suffer at such age? Now, all that we wish for is that some miracle can happen.
Another thing to worry is the medical fees. Just by staying in ICU, the medical fee per day is like tons. Then the so called very-very-very-strong antibiotic is super expensive (the doctor says so). The pack of milk that is dripped is about $400++ per pack. And, my aunts want to bring ah ma back home if nothing is working. That means renting of equipments and nurse.
Now I finally understand why old people don’t like to go to the hospital. It is true, starting, there is nothing. The moment you go into hospital, all the problem starts coming. It happened to my grandpa and ah gong before.
And people says that in singapore, we can die but cannnot get ill. The standard of living is way toooooooo high. Hospital, medication, tubes and everything. Thank goodness that my ah ma have many children and grandchildren to share the overall fee with. Like what my aunts and mummy say, “mummy have so many children and grandchildren, if we share the fee, it shouldn’t be of much problem.”
I really wish that ah ma can wake up. I am hoping and praying and wishing it everyday.
2) Wai’s departure
My dear beloved cousin cum consultant cum listening ear has left singapore for scotland. She is going there for 4 years. She is not coming back during this whole 4 years, not even during holiday.
I should have went to send her home. However, her flight is midnight so I can’t go. I really wish I had gone to send her off. I am missing her already. We wanted a kway gathering before she leaves. However, she is super busy with work, I am busy with school, kenneth is busy with attachment.
She has left on friday night. She did not call me at all ok! What a bad girl. Don’t she know that I will miss her so much? I really wish that she is doing well. I wish that she can do well too. She always wanted to be a designer and now, she is given a chance to go scotland to further do her education. I am happy for her.
I remember during our poly days, we were so close that we discussed and wanted to live next to each other next time. She will help design and decorate my house while I help her take care of her kids. I will ‘take care’ of their studies while she ‘take care’ of their art related things. She will be my kids’ godma and vice versa. I know it sound so childish.
Now, as diploma graduates, our thinking has changed, or should I say her thinking has changed. I am still the same person who wants to be down to earth. I want to be a happily married woman who has a stable job and happy family. This thinking did not change.
As for her, as she gets expose more to architecture stuff, her thinking changed. Now she is one who wants to venture in other countries. She doesn’t want to stay in singapore. She wants to go around and stay in other countries. She just want freedom. She want to find a partner who have the same interest as her. She wants adventure.
I remember what she told me. And I remembered telling her that even though she wants adventure, she still must design and decorate my house for me. LOL! So bad of me.
Every time I meet up with some problem, I will call her. She will be the one who will console and give me advice on what to do. I remembered I was super down for a period of time last year. During that period, I called and pester her practically every single day. I remember how dad’s expression when he saw the bill. LOL!
If not for her, I think I will be crying to sleep every single day. If not for her talking to me, maybe by now, I am still self-reprimanding. If not for her, I think I had got into depression already. If not for her, I think I won’t have the courage to face and overcome it. If not for her, I think I won’t be here happily and enjoying. I must say, it is all thanks to her. Not only that problem, many other problems too.
When we were young, we are always the ‘talk of the family’. They are always busy comparing us. She stays in private estate, have long hair, wear nice clothes, being dress up like a princess and gets whatever she wants. As for me, I am just like any other ordinary girl who lives in hdb, my parents don’t always get me what I want, I have short mushroom hairstyle, wear what my brother can’t wear (you know, kids grow up quick).She plays with barbie doll, I play with cars. She is english speaking, I am chinese speaking. She likes playing doll games, I like playing war and fighting games. She likes to tie her hair with many different clips and rubber band, I just don’t bother and get mushroom hairstyle. She wear dresses and heels, I wear pants and sport shoes. She gets crazy over westlife, I get crazy over pikachu. We are so different. So different that we parted and separated and drifted for many years.
She went into secondary school and made friends who are of totally different frequency as me. We aren’t on talking terms, we are driving at different path. I think she kind of hate me because her mother keep comparing.
I forgotten what happen, one day, we got back together. We played together, we listen to songs together. We discussed and talk about our love life relationship. We look for one another to cry our problems. We look for one another to have fun. We look for one another to go out. We got close together.
After thinking all that happened for the last 20 years, I think I need her more than she needs me. I think I am the one who need her help, I am the one who is relying on her. LOL! Every time when something happen, the first person I will think of calling is her. Now that she is not in singapore, I can’t call her already. I wonder who can I call?
4 years. It is a super long period. I wonder, 4 years later, will KWAY still survive? Will we get drifted apart like we used to? Can I still rely on you for advice and help? And of course, will you still help me design and decorate my house for a cheap rate?
4 years later, we will be 24. We will be adults. 4 years later, we might forget how each other looks like. 4 years later, we will grow up to be more independent. 4 years later, we will be degree graduates. We will be coming out to work soon. 4 years later, our dressing will change to cater to our job field. 4 years later, you will be a great architecture! I just wish that this “4 years” can pass really quick.
All the best for this coming 4 years. You better come back after your 4 years. Even if you want to further do your studies there, you better come back and visit everyone and of course, KWAY! You better remember!!!
I miss you tons~