Frustrated. Irritated. Annoyed. Exasperated. Troubled. Unhappy. Sad. Bursting. Burdened. Stressed. Fearful. Scared. Worried. Uneasy.
6 days have gone ever since the last day of exam. And out of the 6 days, I went out for 2 whole days, went out for lunch for 2 days and stayed home the rest of the 2 days. I am so bored at home but at the same time, I want to be nice to my pocket. =)For the past few days, I have been chatting with char via msn. So envious of her! She is in taiwan enjoying her holiday. I want to go taiwan and shop till drop. Ah! Ok, I want to go bangkok more. Geor geor geor~~~ I know you want to go bangkok too! Haha!
Char was asking if I have done anything on my to-do-list. Happily, I told her I have yet to start on my to-do-list. So many things to do but I am so lazy. I think what I should really start doing now is the powerpoint and script. So unwilling but no choice. I am tied down with the word, responsibility.
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Cut my hair: I am going to get a haircut soon. I am thinking to cut my hair before or after camp. I think I will go and cut this week if I got the ‘feel’. Else I will cut it before xin mei’s wedding. I am still thinking when to get my hair chop. I need to find a nice day with a nice date. At a nice timing, I shall go and cut my hair. LOL!Oh yes! My cousin is getting married! I always think that xin mei is super pretty. What more, she is sweet and gentle looking, when she talk, she talks very gently. And, she is working as a nurse. Totally like a bai yi tian shi! OMG~ Sweet, gentle, pretty nurse~ Aw~~ Ok, I sound like a pervert.
Pack my wardrobe: I wanted to pack my wardrobe but I have no idea where to start. I have many clothes that I seldom wear. I am thinking to donate it or not. Well, I always wear tee and jeans to school. So naturally, most of my clothes are labeled ‘seldom wear’. So I am having a hard time thinking.
Pack my table: My table is rather clean compared to the days during exam where papers are all on the table. The thing is, I have yet to use a cloth and clean the table. My table is white so normally, there will be pencil marking printed on the table. I need to clean it soon! However, the table is packed with christmas thingy.
Clean my laptop: That day, my computer got virus. I went to delete everything, clean my computer internally and do a thorough check up 3 times. So now it is rather clean. I am still waiting for results to be out so I can delete those senior’s files. But stupidly, exam result is only out in 30 december. In the past, I will delete it immediately because I know I will pass. But now, I am keeping everything because I am afraid I will repeat.
Christmas card/gift: I am still thinking what to get, whether should I send christmas card and who should I send it to. It is such a torture. Then I realise, if I were to send cards, there isn’t much people in poly that I am going to send christmas cards to. So much of my poly life. I need to think about the card, postage and everything. Shucks!
GB Camp: Right. For some reason, I am not looking forward to it at all. Don’t ask me the reason. Those who know it will know it, those who doesn’t know it will never know it.
Meeting up session: I wanted to plan some meeting up session with jo but sadly, he is spending his 20th birthday in field camp. He is having guard duty on alternate saturday. Sad! I need to see when he is free to fit time for me. I am such a nice friend =)
For some reason, I am going to meet up with kenneth after his common test! Yes! It had been a long time since I met up with him. Totally miss him so much. Of course, it would be a lot better if wai is around too. Initially she is coming back to sg for a couple of days. In the end, she cancel her singapore trip and went to somewhere else. Really miss her a lot! Miss the chatting late into the night session, cooking supper at 2 plus am and all the gossiping.
I wanted to plan a gathering with jing, geor, siyu and gidman. Siyu is complaining that he misses gidman a lot. However, gidman is in taiwan and have no idea when he is coming back. Most probably next week. I want to go and have fun with them. I always have tons of fun with jing and geor. And of course, when siyu and gidman starts bickering like couple. Haha!
As for A18 gathering, it is planned and settled. There is not a need for me to do anything. So nice. All I have to do is go, take photo, spend money.
Christmas lighting: Last but not least, my christmas lighting. Ah, I still don’t have the mood to travel down to town, suntec and vivocity to look at the decoration and lightings. I think I have to settle my things before going down.
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I am watching 世界正美丽 just now. 鸭子 went to hokkaido otaru. She made me so tempted to go down there too! She went to make her own musical box decoration, blow the glass bottle and the hotel she stay in is totally cool! OMG de fun! I want to go hokkaido too! Ok, I shall go and master my japanese and next time when I grow up, I can go hokkaido and play. Whee! =)Anyways, I am feeling very frustrated and at the same time, I am feeling upset for the past few days, including today. What a mix of feelings. I don’t know what to do about it. I tried sleeping but seems like the moment I wake up, it is still there. You know, still there~~~
Chocolate? Ice cream? Sweets? I am not sure what to do either. People say, when you are feeling upset, eating chocolate, ice cream and sweet stuff is good. I ate sweets, drink sweet drinks but it is of no use. I tried eating mars bar that I brought home after north face run but still, I am not getting better.
I even went to look for retail therapy. Oh~ Nothing for me at all. They are so not friendly to me. I went to take a afternoon nap, when I wake up, I am still feeling tied down. I went to look for quite a number people to rant about it. Opps! I know I shouldn’t. Now, people knows about it.
I don’t know what to do about it. The worst thing is, it is not just one matter alone. It is two different matter! One after another. Can I just quit? Can I not do anything? Can I just not go at all? I don’t want to have anything with it. The purpose is totally defeated. Even so, I can’t back out.
Problem 1: I was told to help out. Ok, I really did do my best to help out. However, it seems like it is not appreciated at all. So what I am unhappy with it? So what I don’t like it? So what I am not ok with it? Does it matter? Come to think of it, I wonder what the purpose is. Things that is done is totally not to my liking but no use, because it is what I think and it is me, individually. This whole issue made me super reluctant to go. I need a mood change if I were to go.Oh well, I don’t think I have a choice at all. I need to do something about it but seriously, there is nothing I can do. I want to back out, I want a mood change, I want to feel more optimistic, I want to look forward to the event. But I really can’t. As the days get nearer and nearer, the more pessimistic I feel, the more sian-ness I sense, the more unwillingness I experience. Ah! Tell me, what to do? What can I do?
Problem 2: Once again, I don’t want to attend to it anymore. After all that happen, I feel that even if I were to go, I will not enjoying. I feel burdened. I feel that I am tied down with tons of responsibility. Seriously, if I know that such things will happen, I will not look for trouble myself. So what about complaining now? I can’t push away those responsibility. I am doing it reluctantly. I am seriously reluctant. I want to back out.
Anyways, something happened to my dear yern. I am rather worried for her. I remember in the past, when similar thing happened to wai, the whole KWAY is down at her place talking, crapping and cheering her up. I remember at that time, when wai hear 开不了口, she will end up in tears. So, as usual, I will do some stupid and crazy things.
Now that it happened to yern, I am hoping someone is there for her too. I know that she is a strong girl, but still, I will feel worried for her. Regardless what, it is the first time she is feeling this way, it is also the first time something like that happen to her. However, wai just keep telling me that she will be fine -.- I almost wanted to strangle her. HAHAHA!
Yern is the youngest among the few of us. And because of the age difference, she tend to feel out of place when with us. So gradually, she stop hanging out with us cousins (not just the kway, but all cousins). In the past, she have her sister to talk to. Now wai is overseas, she rely on that person. And that person is gone too. I really hope she can pull through.
错过是为了要遇见对的