Helpless and Depress

Ever since the day I step into university, everything seems to be changing. People seems to be leaving, problems seem to start arising. Everything is not as simple as what I used to think. It seems like I am losing people around me.
It started off with my cousin who left singapore for scotland. We were very close, we can spend 5 hours having heart to heart talks. We can bug each other every night. She failed to get a place in singapore university so she went overseas to study. She left and I felt lonely.
Then my maternal grandma left the world for heaven. She was fine, kicking and looking at us kids running around every weekend. All of a sudden, everything seems to come around her and ‘they’ decided to bring her away. I felt helpless but there is nothing I can do.
During the days of my maternal grandma wake, I saw my uncles and aunties. Suddenly, I feel that they had gotten so old. In the past they are the ones who will bring us to the playground and chase us around. Now, they even have a hard time standing and sitting.
Not long after, drew drew left for home for national service. He is someone I can talk to. When I am feeling down, he will entertain and cheer me up. When I am stress, he will treat me food. Then, he left, leaving me home alone for most of the time.
Then lately, my paternal grandma was hospitalise. She fell down and knock her head. Nothing serious happened but that is when I realise why my grandma always come crying to me in the past. I finally understand why she will cry when we wanted her to move back to her house due to space problem. Nobody wants to take care of her.
Today, I went to visit my paternal grandma. The moment she saw me, she cried. She start asking me why I did not go and stay with her during my holidays? She held onto my hands and talking and wiping her tears. I can’t do anything at all. She says that she doesn’t want to have a maid but nobody is free or want to take care of her. I felt damn helpless.
I was talking to someone close to me . I don’t know where I get the feeling from, but I had a strong feeling that she will leave for something else. It is just how she will leave. So today, I had a talk with her and we ended up on so-called cold war. I don’t know what happened to me. I think, after this cold war, she will leave too.
Soon, everyone will leave for a place they should be at. I felt helpless but there is really nothing I can do besides crying. My tears are worthless. Everyone tells me that.
tell me what to do.